wow. I just lost everything i had written. It was so much! OH my gosh. ugh.
I'm gonna rewrite it later. i'm not in the mood now.

dude... I'm supposed to be registering today but can't even get onto the server... it's so crowded... Okay, here's my bit about the election.

Everyone's freaking out. For some reason, I'm very calm and not worried at all about what will happen to our country. I was talking to my sister and bro-in-law about the election. We have similar views but mine differ from theirs, and from my parents' views in some areas.. I'm still figuring out what I think about certain things. Anyway. I was talking with them, the other day about the election and my sister kinda hushed me and mentioned I might keep my opinion quiet if it in any way opposes Mcain... our little (step) sisters were with us and our step mom is very passionate about her beliefs.. as she should be... but I realized that I shouldn't have to keep my opinions to myself just because they're different. Discussing politics with ppl who have different opinions would be nice.. if they wouldn't get all crazy and start preaching to me even when I agree... gosh... I asked a co-worker of mine if it was weird that I'm not stressed about the outcome of the election.. (this was last night before we knew what happening with it.. we were at work) She said it was very odd that I don't mind. I believe that God has a plan. No matter what His plan includes, it's a good one and I'm okay with it. He's omniscient. I'm not. anyway. she said "God's not an american."

One of my dear friends had her facebook status last night as that verse in Romans... about authority. how God places those in authority... That's why I'm not worried. I actually had a difficult time deciding who to vote for... I actually thought afterwards, maybe I should have voted for the other guy... there were certain things about both of them I liked and some i didn't like at all... some would say that if I wasn't completely decided, I shouldn't have voted. idk.

btw: I love pandora.com

This morning was cool... I woke up in my amazingly comfortable bed and saw a bright yellow tree outside my window... my window's small but it's there. There's big trees and kudzo outside my window... :
I like looking at kudzo... it's pretty... but i don't want it taking over my apartment.

ekh

it's cold. I just sneezed... only one though... hmm.. yeah i can feel my limb and digits stiffening as it gets colder. I'm in the work room (computer room) at my parents' house. I have no clue why it's so freezing downstairs... it's terrible. whew. i'm kinda shivering. anyway... oh wow. LIFE. what is it? weeeooowooowweeeewoooweeeoooweeoooweeeooo.. i don' t even know. haha try to say/sing what i just typed... it makes me laugh. I'm wearing jeans, a tank top, a reg. shirt, and a sweat shirt... and flip flops... haha. I can't feel my toes. I need regular shoes... one that an intelligent person would wear in the winter.. i know it's not winter quite yet, but right now it feels like i'm in the dead of winter in siberia... but it's only the work room... the lonely work room with flourescent lights. ehk. i can hear the ice falling in the ice maker in the kitchen... i can hear the other computer next to me make noise...

I just found out last night that my Ex boyfriend goes to Ranger School in a few days. That's a big deal. I know it will be really challenging. I pray for him. I kind of wish I could just say hey to him and give him a word of encouragement. I still care about him as a person. I haven't talked to him in over a month i think. It's been good learning to be me. It's been refreshing. I miss the closeness of our relationship, but I value my time with me and my time with God more. It's special to have someone care about you with the intensity he did. It made me feel good. For now though, I have one soul that cares about me and loves me and pursues me everyday. Sometimes I ignore him. I feel bad. I know I shouldn't. I don't want to. What's interesting is that the more i make time for christ, the more I want to make more time for Him. The more time I want and feel I need to spend time with him. It's awesome. I just need to be consistent.

Random thought: I like typing when my fingers are cold. For some reason I feel I can type faster. Is that weird? If so i'm glad. Someone told me I'm a dynamic person. I had to think back to highschool when i learned what that meant. I felt stupid at first, but then remembered that I learned that a dynamic character in a story is one that is changing, or learning from something. One that is growing. I got excited. :) I'm dynamic and rapturous. hehe.. I'm enjoying these words. I enjoy learning new words and finding out more about myself. Cuz i'm still finding me. But it's fun. okay, well, My fingers are typing efficiently, but I won't be driving home efficiently if I don't go now...

oh wait. I forgot... my laundry. AHK! dangit. I hate not having laundry machines. poo. ok it's either go to sleep here and do it in the morning, or go home and do it tomorrow at sam's house. I wanna see my family tomorrow but don't really know what they'll be up to. I think I might stay... I just need to find some socks... and my sweat pants... which I lost here two weeks ago. haha. alright. going to look for my sweat pants. and socks and more blankets. burrrr (((><)))

Self control is so important... in so many ways... I'm surrounded by people who get hurt by looking for love or revenge in the wrong way... i find myself doing the same... differently, but the same. In the D-group I'm leading, our study last week was awesome. One of the things that stuck out to me were when he talked about "sin under the sin"... If I try to find value or significance in things like people complimenting me on how i look or smell or how well I do photography or whatever... then, the approval of others is obviously my idol... That's what i care about. I know that I spend more time thinking about or trying to improve the way people think about me... That's my idol... so in being selfish and vain, I'm also breaking the first commandment... Have no other gods before Me... so when we sin, just one sin, we're sinning at least twice. gosh... what a tangled web we weave... My GOD is forgiving, he offers me grace and mercy freely. I just have to accept it and not abuse it. You know what's cool? he gives us little gifts all the time. pursuing us like a guy does when he's in love with us and wants to marry us.... hahaha... (if you can imagine my tone of voice... it was funny) Our relationship with Christ is the ultimate cinderella story... although sometimes we try to play both role of the prince and cinderella... that never works out. you can' t be both... and role reversal doesn't work either... so really, we just need to relax, enjoy his gifts and blessings and enjoy him forever... sounds easy right? who wouldn't want that life... we all do, but what do we do all the time? all of us.. we all don't feel like hanging our with God every morning and then I forget during the day that he's here to help... to completely take my burdens... and I get distracted by all the material things in this world, and the things that i "need" ... and then i get stressed out because of school and work and emotions and friends and boys and love and non love and pressure and acceptance and all those things that everyone thinks they need to stress over this is supposed to be a run on sentence on purpose... now take a big breath and sigh saying, I don't have to worry about it. God's got it. He's got it under control... He's sitting right there all the time shaking his head, "HEY! you don't have to do that, i can help you , let me help you... I'm here to help you... please don't forget me. That's not going to make you happy forever, just today. remember me, remember my love for you..."

you know that song "Everything" by lifehouse? It's awesome. There's skits all over youtube. 

"How can I stand here with You and not be moved by You? You tell me, how could it be any better than this? 

Makes me weep every time i see the video... 

HELLOOoo WoRlD!

I'm using the font called Georgia... cuz That's where I'm from...  :)

This is my blog. I've just created it. Sometimes my thoughts are random... just single words. no sentences... I'm excited for when I have time to just sit down and think... because when I sit down to blog, it will prob. be an emotional time. I know this, I don't really know who I'm talking to... actually, I do. I'm talking to myself. Sometimes when I'm journaling, I realize things about myself that I didn't before. I'm excited to write more... Oh and I ask ppl sometimes, if they could describe me in one word, what would it be?... My favorite, I heard today. well, she's told me before, but i just forgot. Heather says I'm Rapturous. It's going to be incorporated into my tatoo... because I'm rapturous. and so was my mom. and so is my sister. hmmm. I want something involving me and my mom. she will be a daffodil. I'm not sure what I will be and I might want to add my sis in there. I think it will be cool. Maybe she will be a torch. a really pretty torch, a beautiful dancing torch. yes. that. so the torch and i will be wrapped up in the daffodil? no. uh, looking down on us. ug. not sure I'll play with it... but i know where i wana get it. i think.I'm excited. it's kinda my freedom tat. :) freedom from past relationships. Freedom from codependency, free. I'm free, it's my and Jesus and he's got my road laid down, So i don't have to lay it there. All i have to do is walk. Enjoy the scenery, find a grassy knoll and chill... sometimes storms will come and I have to sit there and rest in my faith and rest in my God while it's storming around me... But I'm free to do so. I don't have to create my river, trees, knoll, road, anything... He's got it taken care of.