Holiday Hmmms....

It's been a while...

The holiday season is quickly approaching. Oh how I love it. I'm not sure if I can pin point one particular reason why this time of year has me beaming. Maybe it's the warm fuzzy feelings you get while carrying out traditions with your family. Getting to spend time with friends and family you don't see so often. The cheer of Christmas is infectious! It could be the cold weather, even if it doesn't snow (i wish it would). Perhaps it really grabs me simply because it is a time of celebration. I like to think I live my life in celebration. Each day is a gift just as much as December 25th. If more people considered life as a celebration, the world would be a better place. I celebrate every day because there's a purpose for it. I have a purpose. You have a purpose. Being a part of a whole has something significant about it doesn't it? Why do you think sports are so huge? The fans MAKE sports awesome. Everyone wants to be a part of something. I'm a part of something every day regardless of where I live, who I know, what I have or the teams I'm on. I'm a part of the Big Adventure. The Greatest Love Story Every Told. That's a reason to celebrate each day.

On a less cheerful note, the holidays remind us of what we've lost or hard times. All those traditions don't seem quite the same with people missing, do they? It's difficult to celebrate every day when something's weighing on your every thought. What's funny to me right now is that as I began writing this I was thinking so much about missing family members who've died. Processing it, thinking about it... typically I'm full of words. Now, not so much. I simply miss them. It's not depressing anymore just...sad. Sad they are going to miss it. Sad I can't look at my mom during family game night and crack up at the thought of whatever a "Sackbutt" is. (See the game "Balderdash") Sad I don't get to hear my Grandma squeal as she wins at SkipBo... again! Sad that my PaPaw won't be around to snap at Grandma for being bossy(haha!). I guess I just love sharing experiences with the people I love most. One of the worst things in the world for me, is to experience something amazing alone. Sitting on a mountain by myself, reveling in the vivid view is great. But when something really cool happens, I want to share it. Not only is it just more fun, but it's as if the joy is doubled. Maybe that's just my personality talking. I'm crazy about people. haha. Hmm... Oh well.

Consuming Fire

Yesterday, worship was great. It's always great, for me anyway. It's what I love most! It's such a sweet way of communicating with our King. For Offertory, we lead the congregation in the song Fire Fall Down... SO GOOD. and before be began, I read from Hebrews 12, one of my favorite passages.


Hebrews 12:22-24, 28-29


²²But you have come to Mount Zion, to the heavenly Jerusalem, the city of the living God. You have come to thousands upon thousands of angels in joyful assembly, ²³to the church of the firstborn, whose names are written in heaven. You have come to God, the judge of all men, to the spirits of righteous men made perfect, ²⁴to Jesus the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel.


²⁸Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, ²⁹for our "God is a consuming fire."




I love it. I'm in awe. Everyday I'm in awe. This is how MY God pursues me. Worship... Words... lifting voices as one body. The bride of Christ. :)

My About Me Blurb.

I am Catherine Elizabeth. Pure and Consecrated to God. Redeemed and renewed, I am a child of the most High King. I will spend eternity celebrating my Father and all he has created. I am a sinner, washed clean by the blood of Jesus Christ, spilled by those he came to save. I am perpetually flawed by my sin. I am imperfect, arrogant, selfish and lazy. I seek the approval of others first, before my God. I am a controller, seeking to make every situation better. I am living in the illusion that I can control my life and that what I do defines who I am though nothing I am capable of doing will cause my Maker to love me more or love me less. I am more messed up than I think I am and I am more loved than I will ever know. I am a recipient of the love everlasting, seized by the power of a great affection and loved more by my maker than anyone else will ever love me. I am a masterpiece, a diamond being polished and cut to show its greatest beauty, clarity and color. I am a servant, honored to rest at the feet of The Sovereign Lord. Humbled by the compassionate heart of God and rescued by the perfect bridegroom. My Father reigns over all and rules over all. My Daddy is the All Powerful creator of the universe, who loves me and finds great delight in my heart. My Abba is my King, whom I revere, love, respect and bow to. I am a light, a lamp filled with the oil of the Holy Spirit who speaks to me and through me. I am a vessel, given the task of protecting, guarding and growing the source of my Father's joy: The heart, mind and soul of his broken, yet beautiful daughter. I am a voice that sings with the hosts and multitudes in the sky. I am called to worship, made to worship and therefore I will worship with all my being.

Hallelujah

Hello my few followers. haha. This blog is really just for me to get my thoughts out, although I do enjoy sharing with you about how God is working in my life and the lives of those around me. :)

Happy Hump day. Yes, Wednesday. Tomorrow marks the second half of the week. I love Thursdays. I also love Sundays. I also love Saturdays. And it appears that right now, I love short sentences.

I've been working on a song lately simply about the word hallelujah. I was listening to the song "Praise to the Lord Almighty" but the version sung by Christy Nockels. I thought to myself, we sing the word Hallelujah over and over, what does it mean? Without really trying to figure it out, I googled it. (I love that google is a verb now.)   Is means Praise Yaweh. I love that. It is derived from the word hebrew word 'Hallel' (I'm not sure if I got the spelling right) That's the word that I'm looking forward to getting tatooed on my wrist. I just haven't gotten around to it. Anyway, hallel means, among other things 'rejoice' and the definition of rejoice is 'to spin about wildly'. That gives me such an incredible mental picture of the joy that our creator has for us. I have this picture in my mind because he [our God] 'rejoices over you with singing!' Just think. The creator of the universe and the Almighty beginning and end of all things sings and dances around simply because of the joy just one of us brings him.  What a love story.

So many times I remind myself of this picture. I have to. I know the truth, I know in my head that I am far more loved than I will ever know. Yet I feel like I have to prove to people (mainly my dad and family) that I am enough. I feel that way because I, for some reason cannot rest in the security of my God's intimate and perpetual love for me. He accepts me. I must truly believe that before I can be okay with who I am without the acceptance and approval from other people. Until then, I try to prove myself. That's really tiring and unnecessary.

Oh and here's another update. I've decided that instead of going into advertising, I feel like God's calling me to be a Lead Worshipper. More commonly known as Worship Leader. lol. I like the other better though. It's more of how I perceive it. :) To support myself until I find the place where God wants me, I will continue with advertising. I've also decided to attend seminary. I'm so excited about this I can barely stand it! I'm planning on going to Metro Atlanta Seminary. It's a fraction of the cost of other seminaries and I've been told still GREAT education. I've heard amazing things about RTS, but for now, I'm going with Metro. Then, perhaps in the future, I'll get another degree at RTS, if necessary.

Stepping into Brokenness: "I want a smooth and straight path"

I wrote a song last night. Not really a song, but it was just a whole lot of words, phrases. They just came to me. I kinda of feel like they've been lingering around in my brain. It took ten minutes to write them all down. It was weird. I put music to them today. It's not the best, but after some work, I think it has potential.

I left the counselor's office a little while ago. It went well, I didn't get much time today, but what time I did have was really great. She's an objective mediator/advisor. Everyone needs counseling. If you think you do, you do. If you think you don't, you REALLY do. haha. It's great.

I've changed the way I do things. I've added a few things to my schedule, but good things. I begin AND end my day with either writing in my journal, which is all just prayer, or reading scripture. I've realized that not EVERY time with God has to be a tear jerking, "come to Jesus" moment. I can simply learn something that God has to teach me or be reminded of the examples of godly people in the Bible or a story that I will relate to that day. I don't have to really hugely be affected by that short time and weep and be drained the rest of the day. It's like coffee with a best friend. Sometimes you just talk about life, the little things, not necessarily having deep deep conversation and crying on each others' shoulders. Something that I've known for a while, but hardly ever practice: Every thing you do, every thought you think, or word you say... all of it should be an act of worship. Proverbs 3:6 says, "In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." What a blessing! A straight path! I don't have to wander around aimlessly... My road's not bumpy or rocky or worse, pothole infested. When you're in constant communion with Him and every act, everything you do, you consider an act of worship, how could anything you do or say be malicious, degrading, condescending, or selfish? That sad part of this amazing bit is that in order to make every act, one that is worship, we must be apart from our selves. We're so geared towards putting ourselves on the throne in our hearts, serving ourselves, making our lives easier. Our inherent nature is not to constant serve the God who created us. Our sin nature prohibits us from easily communing with our Lord. I'm broken and need rescuing every minute of every day. I know this, but don't remember it all the time. Some how my pride gets the best of me and I feel that I can pull myself out of a sticky situation... or protect myself. God is ALWAYS in control and ALWAYS knows it. It astounds me how quickly we forget that. It makes me wonder if our subconscious does it on purpose. We want to control.

Stepping Into Brokenness: "And He Threw Roses at My Feet"

Last month, my last month of 2009, was the most difficult. On my journey to who I'm supposed to be, I've learn so many vital things. Despite the things I know in my head, I've found that my head and heart do not like to communicate with each other. I have to make them, which in itself is a draining process.

My relationship with my dad is the most dear to me out of all the wonderful people in my life. I want approval from him more than any other person in the world. I long to hear him say, "I see you, who you are, you are beautiful, you delight my heart, I think you're wonderful!" What little girl doesn't want that from her father? But there's something more. Our relationship is one that runs deep. Deeper than any canyon or abyss imaginable. The only one that would top that is the one that is BEYOND imaginably deep. :) Our Father. Anyway, We also butt heads often. Our personalities are similar and our hearts are flawed. The inspiration for this "series" is his phone call to me the other night. Through every step of growth, pain, redemption, and relinquishing control, he's been there. He puts up with what no other would put up with from me. Like I said, the past two months has been ROUGH, to say the least. God's really shaping and molding my heart. To say that it is painful would be an understatement. My relationships with my family members have been sooo rocky lately. The love still runs deep, but that doesn't prevent us from hurting each other. My counselor said today, "Hurting people hurt people." I thought that was so simple, yet so profound. It's true! When I feel hurt, I go into defense mode, or protect myself mode, or build a wall mode. That's just what humans do. More than humans, think about dogs, if a dog gets kicked by someone or even falls, it won't let anyone near it or will attack if anyone tries to get near, they think they'll get hurt again. That being said, I'm just going through a lot of personal redirection and growth. It's tough. I'm a mess. But I know that the end is so worth it.

So, I'm stepping into brokenness, pain, reality, love, acceptance, grace, forgiveness, and onto a straight path.